A Most Profound Passover & Easter

Happiness is... happiness.

It has been a hard couple of weeks for myself and my boyfriend, Mikey. I think we have both been experiencing what I am referring to as "the one-year itch," because you know, in gay years, that's equal to seven. There has been a real "disconnection" for the past month between us. I don't know if it's common in relationships, but I know that because we were best friends for five years before falling in love with each other, we have a tendency to slip back into the behavior of competitiveness when that disconnection occurs. If one of us is putting up a wall, the other one puts up a wall. It becomes a real one upmanship.

We were debating a bunch of surface issues for weeks until the shit really hit the fan this weekend, at which point I believe we both came to the conclusion that the surface issues were all stemming from one big one. In the beginning of our relationship, especially when we moved in with each other, we both agreed that one of the biggest elements of making a relationship work is putting the other person before yourself always. This happens to be one of the largest elements of the Kabbalah as well. As soon as we stopped doing that, everything seemed to deteriorate.

One of the great things about being in love and having a life partner is sacrificing your own wants and desires for the other person, which is so much easier when you know they will do the same for you always.

Sacrifice. For a greater purpose. How interesting that we would come to this conclusion on Easter/Passover, the period of sacrifice for greater purpose and ultimately, a rebirth. I am beginning to think one of the keys to astrology and knowing what will happen on specific days is simply by seeking our patterns that have happened during that period throughout history.

We both have our own personal demons to face and that's an extension of it all. It's scary to face those demons instead of run from them and that in and of itself is a sacrifice for the other person.

My problem is in never being satisfied, always wanting more, thinking that enough is never enough. This is an awful quality to have in a relationship, as you can imagine. And I'm not one for just turning away from temptation. That is not an answer to me because there will always be more of it rearing its oh so attractive head. No, I am about ridding myself of the desire altogether and that means getting to the root. I've been doing a lot of that lately, going way back in my childhood to see where this originally stemmed from and there's a lot to be said for having parents divorce at a young age, having a parent who overcompensates by giving you every little thing you scream and cry for.

And sure, that's the root, but even more than that, I'm looking for the solution. I mean, if I have to blame my parents for one more thing, I think I'm going to break a dinner plate and slit my ankles like Mariah before me. So my best friend and webmistress Susie said the most insightful thing to me this week and it has stuck with my every day since. She said, "You know what your problem is, Jason? Sometimes the hardest thing in the world is to just allow yourself to be happy."

Now, at first thought, you may think, "Well that's silly. We all want to be happy!" But do we? Some of us have more problems with it than others. Some of us, many of us actually, have grown so accustomed to having happiness taken away from us that we unconsciously block ourselves from truly expressing it or being consumed by that emotion. We're always waiting for the other shoe to drop. We're so scared of allowing ourselves to truly feel happy because we're so afraid of the feeling being taken away... which, inevitably, it more often than not is. Let's face it, it's the laws of gravity. What goes up, must come down.

But I had the most profound dreams the other night and according to the Kabbalah, sleep is where we are at our most enlightened consciousness because it is without distraction of the physical world. Kabbalists believe that when you remember your dreams, there is a message in them to be deciphered, usually in the form of a metaphor. Two nights in a row I dreamt of having this amazing gift, this jewel, a stone that was so precious and the most powerful in the world. In both dreams, I was being hunted for this treasure by some of the most intelligent spies in the world and had to flee to become a wanderer so that the hunters could not find me. Any connection of any kind could have led to my undoing. I didn't want them to find out where I was so I couldn't ever settle down in one place for too long. I couldn't make any friends. I couldn't give anyone my name. I couldn't connect to any other person too deeply. Years went by and I always managed to escape the hunters just in time, but I was so miserable. I contemplated suicide every day of my life. Eventually, one day, I looked at that jewel, that precious stone, and I realized, saying aloud, "What is the point in having this, in carrying this preciousness with me, if I am never going to use it? What is the point if I can never share it with anyone or even just turn it in for cash?!" I realized in that moment, I would someday die with this preciousness, this great and all powerful jewel, still in my possession with the evil hunters having never stolen it from me -- but I would have never used it so what's the point?

I awakened and immediately wrote it all down so I wouldn't forget. Then I started really analyzing it and saw that it equates to what I'm learning about allowing myself to feel happiness. My jewel is myself -- my happiness, my talent, my everything -- and I can keep all of those things to myself so that I don't get hurt. I can lock them all away out of fear of experiencing disappointment and sadness. But then I will have never experienced the totality of what I can share with those gifts and what I can achieve and the bliss they can truly bring to my life.

Here's hoping your holidays were filled with such bliss. Here's to rebirth, new beginnings and the start of Spring.



JASON'S OTHER SITES:
JasonCurious.com
JasonSechrest.com
DV8Entertainment.com


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Kabbalah.com
72.com - Technology for the Soul
The Zohar - Weekly Studies
Weekly Kabbalah Wisdom
Weekly Kabbalah Astrology
Exclusively Kabbalah Group
The Logos
SpiritualityforKids.com


Have questions? Need advice? Want to share? EMAIL Jason at jason@jasonsechrest.com